Valentine's Day Prep: The Kiss-o-Meter

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Here it is, folks! The gizmo you've been waiting for, and just in time for Valentine's Day. Let's hear a drum roll, please, for the amazing, astonishing Kiss-o-Meter!

Tell me, ladies and gentlemen, how many of you have found yourselves in the following predicament: After finishing a romantic candlelight dinner with your sweetheart, a smooching situation is imminent. And that's when the pucker-up panic sets in. What about your breath? Is it fresh enough for face-to-face contact? How can you possibly know for sure?

You could try breathing into your cupped hand and wafting the resulting aroma, however unpleasant it may be, toward your nose. But how accurate can such a subjective technique be? Is such a sentimental moment worth the risk?

Fear not, ladies and gents, because the Kiss-o-Meter can help.

Simply breathe into the gadget and wait for one of five readouts: "Kiss me," "Possible," "Maybe," "Risky," and "Never." And there you have it. Instantly—instantly, I tell you!— you'll know whether a mint (or three) is in order to guarantee makeout-session success. Get yours today!

The fine print: The Kiss-o-Meter is available at Urban Outfitters for a steep $30—the cost of, oh, say, 15 drugstore toothbrushes. Or ten tins of Altoids. Or eight bottles of mouthwash. Or, well, you get the idea. Perhaps it can pull double-duty as a geek-friendly flirting device? "Hey baby, technology doesn't lie..."